Bad Comedians, Terrible Food & Dumb Criminals... What A Great Week For Jerks!

Hidelly-Ho Readerinos!!!!

Another great week in the history books for this very peculiar country of ours. Yes, I said "peculiar" because that's the best way I can put it. Some would say that this country sucks but it doesn't. We just have to suffer some incredibly stupid inhabitants that want to make life for everyone else miserable. Fortunately, the idiots are not the majority (a fact I hope will be proven come election day in November)so, that's a plus. Nevertheless, jerks will be jerks. Lets see what some of them have been up to this week.

Fake Doogie Howser Strikes Again!

I know what you're thinking... "Awww... This mutha--!"  Yes, Malachi Love-Robinson or "Dr. Love" (SMFH) has been arrested once again, however, this time its for fraud and larceny.  The fake teen doctor was treating an elderly woman, Anita Morrison, for stomach pains. She claims that he cashed close to $3K in checks stolen from her home.  The amount went up to over $30,000 when she noticed that payment were being made from her checking account to pay for a car and credit cards that weren't hers. After his first arrests, Love-Robinson was happy to speak out. He was doing interviews and carrying on as if he was the victim. This time, that's not the case. After being released from jail on bond, the boy had nothing to say to reporters. Really? Now you have nothing to say? This 86 year old woman was suffering from extreme stomach pains that no one could diagnose and was eager to find help. She stated that she was in so much pain that she just went along with whatever the kid told her.  Even a fake doctor would have had enough compassion for an elderly woman to at least refer her to some kind of accredited specialist. You know... Someone who is actually licensed to practice medicine and specializes in treating gastrointestinal problems. But, no. Not only did he steal from the lady but, for her stomach problems, he gave her VITAMINS!!! After being released, the court ordered a mental health evaluation. They should've ordered one the last time he was arrested because its pretty obvious that the kid is a complete quackjob. He says that he's never claimed to be a "M.D." but told an undercover cop during her "exam" that he was a "doctor of homeopathic medicine".  To stick so close to such a cockamamie (Oh, yes... I used that word) phony doctor story one would definitely have to be a few pills short of a medicine cabinet (Every pun intended). I'm very much looking forward to seeing how this develops.  Hopefully he stops being a jerk and gets it together.


Katt Williams VS The World

This has been a crazy week for comedian Katt Williams who was arrested and charged with battery in Georgia for punching a store employee in the face.  According to Williams, the punch came after the employee had the nerve to drop the N-word on the last day of Black History Month. Katt also states that the employee thought he was trying to rob the store and when he pulled out $1500 in cash to prove that he wanted to pay for his items, that's when the employee took and pocketed the money. Everything pretty much went downhill from there. The next day, Williams was accused of attacking and robbing a group of women with his entourage. According to the party of five, they were in Atlanta just visiting when Katt Williams and 15 members of his entourage robbed them at gunpoint of their cell phones while flashing gang signs. Now... This sounds absolutely bogus. First of, it doesn't sound like anything Katt Williams would do (Not that I know him personally but he just doesn't seem like the type). Most people who roll with large posses usually don't have to rob anyone. Why would someone who's broke and need to rob people have an entourage to begin with? Never thought about that one, huh? Secondly, robbed them of their phones while flashing gang signs? REALLY? I call super BS on that one. Unless he was incredibly drunk/high, I doubt that he would flash gang signs much less flash gang signs while robbing people. Unfortunately, things are only getting worse. This past Tuesday, Katt was arrested after he allegedly (God... I love that word) threatened to kill his bodyguard. Police also raided his home and found firearms along with a large amount of pot (Really? You don't say!).  He was released on bond and cannot possess any drugs, alcohol or firearms and surrender his passport.  His girlfriend, Hazel-E (Love & Hip-Hop: Hollywood), was there for the raid and told TMZ once she arrived from GA to LAX that the couple is now "on a break" due to the raid.  She also stated that Katt is very "angry" and she "hopes he gets help".  It does seems that the comedian has been very tightly wound lately.  He's even gone so far as to attack Kevin Hart for being a "puppet" and Chris Rock.  I would think that attacking your fellow Black man and comedian would play right into the "puppeteer's" hands, would it not?  You can't help what you feel or what your opinions are and Katt Williams is more than entitled to his (Even if some don't agree and I do not).  Although he did apologize sort of, he still acted like a jerk. Fortunately, we still have SNL and Jay Pharoah who absolutely MURDERED The Weekend Update last Saturday night when it came to the Katt Vs. Kevin feud. If you missed it, you can watch it here:

Jay Pharoah is incredible. I really hope he's not a "puppet" too...

Department of Agriculture Recalls Plastic NuggetsI personally don't really do fast food like I did when I was in high school. However, it is hard for me to turn down a chicken McNugget. Some fast food places have "nuggets" but McDonald's is the only carrier of the amazingly delicious chicken "McNugget". That crispy golden brown shell encasing some kind of meat they refer to as "chicken" is quite tasty and I could talk about it forever but, unfortunately, we have a very big problem.  Some of us cannot always have the amazing goodness of actual McNuggets so, we go to the supermarket and buy the frozen chicken nuggets you can make at home. Not the same but still kind of ok, right? Not anymore.  The U.S. Department of Agriculture has recalled 4500 pounds of "chicken nugget products" as they may be contaminated with "extraneous plastic materials". The products in question are Applegate Naturals chicken nuggets produced for Applegate Farms by Purdue Foods.  That's just crazy. I've tasted plastic in various versions of chicken nuggets for years and its never bothered me. But, apparently, this is a big deal.  The affected Applegate Naturals chicken nuggets are the 8 ounce 18 piece boxes withe the Best Before date of 9/27/16 and have the establishment number "P-2617" inside the USDA mark of inspection (I guess they missed the plastic).  Purdue learned of the contamination when they started receiving complaints regarding small pieces of solid clear plastic in the nuggets.  Very scary.  There have been no injuries or anything like that related to the nuggets as of yet which is a good thing. But, if you're a fan of these nuggets, please be careful (especially if serving to children).  The affected nuggets were sent to retail distribution centers in Massachusetts (Mom... Tell your friends), NY (I'm already on the lookout), Texas, Florida, Georgia, Pennsylvania and Indiana. These are the ULTIMATE JERKS for ruining nuggets and hopefully the word gets out so no one gets sick.

Trump Victory = MASS EXODUS
The state primaries are in full swing officially starting with Super Tuesday. It was a day that had many surprises but none bigger than the one that Google received. On Super Tuesday, after Donald Trump had massive victories on the Republican side, the Google search for "How to move to Canada" jumped by 350%.  Can you guess where the majority of these searches came from?  Only the states with the smartest inhabitants in the land, my Massachusetts. I'm right along with them. It is highly... Let me be clear... HIGHLY unlikely that Trump will be our next president. However, if Americans are stupid enough to elect him, I will be joining my fellow Massholes in the move to our neighbor to the north.  Hopefully it won't come to that. But, come November, if things don't go well it's Montreal for me!

OK... That's it, folks. Please... Please... PLEASE share, comment, re-read and comment some more. Any positive feedback is appreciated and I hope you've been enjoying my posts so far.  I'm going to try to get a schedule down so I have have these blogs done on a certain day every week and, once I do, you'll obviously be the first to know. Talk to you soon!!!

<3<3<3

#2 (1/10-1/15)

Hello All...

What a week it has been. People doing stupid things, saying stupid things and wearing stupid things. But... All of that is ok. It's ok because that's the way things have been since the beginning of mankind. Humans are stupid. We just are. There are a few that may possess a "high intellect" or may process information at a "genius level" but they are all still... Very... Stupid. The smartest people on Earth do some of the dumbest things at that is absolutely fine because it proves that they're human and not time-traveling cyborgs hell bent on killing Sarah Connor (But the terminators did stupid things too so, lets move on).

What's happening in this great country of ours? Well...

NATIONAL NEWS
Last Sunday border patrol officers in Pharr, Texas found close to 2500 pounds of marijuana in a commercial shipment of carrots from Mexico. Three thousand bundles of pot were wrapped tightly in orange tape to resemble actual carrots.

How crazy is that??? Of course, the nearly $500k worth of Mexican grass was seized but I think the smugglers should've received a pass on account of their insane creativity. Those guys have cojones grande, too. Unfortunately, large balls and massive creativity aren't worth much if you don't have common sense. A small amount of good weed has a very distinct odor. I can only assume that 2500 pounds of it is going to straight reek. And, indeed, it was the smell that first tipped off officials. Thanks to their carelessness, a lot of hard working American potheads will not be able to enjoy premium Mexican grass. Better luck next time.

Powerball madness swept the nation this week with bodegas and lotto spots from coast to coast flooded with eager gamblers hoping to become gajillionaires. The first drawing on Sunday had no winners causing the jackpot to rise to $1.5 BILLION freakin' dollars, the largest lottery prize in history. Wednesday's second drawing produced three winners who will be splitting the jackpot three ways. If I had a winning ticket, I wouldn't mind splitting the prize with 30 people or even 300. One hundereth of $1.5 billion dollars would be greatly appreciated by me at this present moment.

Thursday night's Republican debate was one for the ages with Donald "The Don" Trump having his first fight with Senator Ted Cruz. The bout led to Cruz taking jabs and throwing some serious shade at Trump regarding his "New York values". When a politician (or any public figure for that matter) attacks NYC, the city will respond back. That's exactly what the New York Daily News did on Friday's cover page:

Yes... That is the Statue of Liberty flipping the bloody bird.  I'm a Bostonian that's been living in NYC for almost a decade now. Even I know that you can't talk crap about New York [in public]. I understand that he's trying to get the votes in Iowa and New Hampshire but the New York shots weren't necessary. Now you've got an enemy with a comb over.

ENTERTAINMENT
Anyone who knows me knows that Quentin Tarantino is my cinematic/writing father. So, of course, I'm wondering why his latest film ('The Hateful Eight") is bombing at the box office. Apparently, according to The Police Benevolent Association, they are the ones responsible. Tarantino expressed the fact that he doesn't approve of police misconduct when he took part in an anti-police brutality march in October. Its because of his participation that the police have labeled him a "cop-hater" and proceeded to demonstrate their mutual feelings of disdain with a boycott. That is not cool. I'm not sure if the PBA was paying attention in 2015 but police across the country were beyond brutal. From racial profiling to just straight shooting people, it was not a good year for the police and the public's relations. This is how they react when someone is fed up with the brutal behavior of police of the past year? Just call them a "cop-hater"? I, personally, don't have an issue with the police. I do (however) have a serious problem with racist and socially inept people who hide behind their badges thinking that their jobs will shield them from having to take responsibility for their actions. There wasn't just one isolated incident. There were several incidents happening all over the United States which triggered public outrage and protests in a few major cities. That doesn't mean you attack one man and his art because he stood up for what he believes is right. It means that you do a thorough investigation, find the root of the problem, correct it and take heavy measures to make sure it doesn't happen again. Period.

This past week J.J. Abrams revealed the teaser trailer for "10 Cloverfield Lane" which is not exactly a sequel but what the director is calling a "blood relative". You can watch the trailer here:

I know... I CAN'T WAIT EITHER!!!!! It's taken forever but I'm glad a follow up is coming soon. One would think Abrams would be relaxing after his mega hit Star Wars took over the world but, obviously, that's not his style.

It will soon be that time of year again. Next month will the the annual NBA All-Star weekend. This year is taking place in Toronto complete with the All-Star Celebrity game. So, they'll need some celebrities to coach the teams. Who better than the "tallest man on the court" Kevin Hart and b-ball enthusiast Drake to take on the roles. It should definitely be a hilarious event so get ready because February 12th at the Ricoh Coliseum it's going down.

I said this last week and, unfortunately, I'm saying it again this week. RIP to Alan Rickman.

Those from the younger generation know him mostly as Snape from the Harry Potter films. I will remember him as the disgruntled alien actor Alexander from "Galaxy Quest" and super villan Hans Gruber from the original "Die Hard" (For those who don't know "Die Hard" was a movie staring Bruce Willis and has several sequels. It came out in 1988. YES... 1988). He was truly gifted and could literally play any role. He will be missed. Both him and David Bowie (who also passed RIP) were actually referenced in the same clip from "The Simpsons" as found by independent.co.uk. You can watch the clip here:

Bittersweet indeed.

Well... That's post number 2. I know I said I would be posting on Fridays but, you know what? Life happens. But I will try to have them done on Fridays. Thank you so much for reading, feel free to leave me some comments and we'll talk soon.

PEACE OUT!